Jay Walking Mo Fo's

This is a ridiculous rant I know. However I am up to my eyeballs with stupid jay walkers. I hate driving down a busy street and have some stupid jack ass stroll across the street. The aren't walking or running (which those dumb asses should be doing) they are strolling at a snail pass. In the areas that I drive they are usually between the ages of 11 and 17. I know they think that they look cool or tough walking against the big cars. OH how dare devilish of them. But seriously they look STUPID!!! Not just stupid but fat, lazy, and stupid. When the cross walk or stop light is 10 feet away and you can't be bothered to walk to it. You look like a FAT LAZY MORON! No wonder we have so many freaking chunky kids. (that was a low blow but I'm seriously annoyed).

I hate the fact that in my head I'm thinking how hard would it be to just bump them. Maybe cause a bruise. Just get close enough to roll over a pinkie toe and make them CRY. I shouldn't be thinking that but, I hate them. I have had a 13 year old take off their shoe in the middle of the street and hit my car with it. Because they think I got to close to them. REALLY...If their dumb ass wasn't in the middle of the street I wouldn't have gotten close. The sidewalk is their for a reason use it. I will still think you are a bad ass little 7th grader if you would just use the SIDEWALK.

I know that after reading this I might seem to have anger issues...and I do. But I use the sidewalk and walk my fat ass to the crosswalk so that I can bring you my ridiculous rant on jay walking.

My visit to a grown up salon courtesy of Isaac :)

I completely acknowledge the fact the I am a horrible person to buy for and surprise. I have a need to control and know everything going on in my house and classroom. My extremely sweet, generous, and romantic husband always wants to make these grand gestures and unfortunately I question it to death and destroy the SURPRISE. He has been able to completely surprise me once. That was when he proposed. One day I will share that story. Today is about his mothers day gift to me.

I have been looking very Rapunzelesque lately. To the point that when I picked up Mia from school one of the little girls in her class told me I look like "Tangled"...(Rapunzel). I came home and told Isaac I need to change this. I always talk about chopping all of my hair off and starting fresh. However Isaac and I have done that in the past and I look horrible with super short hair. Although it could have been the fact that it was Isaac that cut my hair with trauma sheers in out tiny 98 degree apartment. That could have been the reason for the bad hair cut. Anyways it has been a LONG time since my hair was cut by a professional. So for mother's day Isaac arranged for me to go to the Aveda Spa at the mall by us. He asked my friend where she had just gotten her hair cut and that is where she directed him.

The week before mothers day I knew he was trying to plan a surprise. And in typical me fashion I questioned him until he cracked. I know I'm a horrible wife. I got all of the details and at first was really excited to get my hair cut. Then the anxiety kicked in. I normally go to CHEAP salons and get yelled at for coloring my own hair and making it look like straw. Can you see why I don't get my hair cut often. Now I was going to a NICE salon and was trying to talk Isaac out of the gift because I did not want a snotty opinion about my straw hair and what I was doing wrong with it.

On Saturday morning I headed over to the mall for my special mother's day treat. My stomach was turning. But I put on my big girls panties and went in. I sat in the chair and waited to hear all the complaints about my straw. To my surprise the stylist was awesome. She was kissing my ass like no bodies business. I loved every minute of my haircut. She messaged my shoulders and my head. She cut about 4 inches off and then curled it. I felt awesome. I was looking trendy for probably the first time ever with my hair.

When I got home Isaac was vacuuming the living room and he and the kids made me cards. I LOVED my mothers day treats and Isaac was very successful in surprising me. I would have never guessed that he was going to vacuum for me. AWWW true love <3

My Opinion on Spring

Spring is a wonderful season for weather. It is warming up the birds are chirping, it's lovely. Except when you are a teacher. Spring is almost as bad as fall. In the spring not only is the season changing but so are the children. They now think that they know everything they need to know for that grade. Yes even my sweet kinders have turned into know it all, arrogant. "Why are we doing this AGAIN!!!" pain in my asses. In the fall you break the bad habits they acquired at home and get rid of the baby me attitude. In the winter they are great. Eager to learn and the baby me attitude is pretty much gone. Then comes spring...Oh how I dread it. They now have the confidence to have an attitude the size of China trapped in their now 6 year old body. And let me tell you my class has been taught the art of the cursing insult. I must emphasize this was not a skill they learned from me. Some of them have better insults then I have ever been able to come up with my self. They make me a bit self conscious about my own delivery of insults. The common zinger usually has a variety of four letter words that in my head I'm going why have I never thought to say that.

This attitude is not localized to the kinder level it does spread through out the grades. My class this week has been a revolving door of upper graders that have been "returned" to kinder for their behavior. Kind of a humiliation technique. Not always affective with this crowd. Not only are the upper graders showing their attitude towards school they are now showing that their hormones have kicked in as well. I observe this alot when my book buddies come to read to my kinders. At the beginning of the year the upper graders were attentive to my little guys and thought they were so much fun. Recently they come and the girls are more interested in leaning against my white board looking pretty and twirling their hair then read to my kids. The boys are more interested in laughing at each other and secretly looking at the girls but acting like they aren't. My kids are just trying to get attention anyway they can.

I honestly hate spring. Yes it is getting closer to the end of the year but, I would rather have my sweet naive kinders then my four letter word, "bite me bitch" saying 6 year olds. When I see them rolling their what used to be innocent eyes at me, I want to punish them like I would punish my kids at home if they ever DARED rolled their eyes like that at me. But instead they loose five minutes of recess and I talk to their parents after school about their attitude and choice vocabulary.

At least I can say this...four more weeks of this SHIT!!! I guess they were right everything I every needed to know I learned in kindergarten...even four letter words.

Lettuce

I'm really not a picky eater. Well maybe I just like to pretend that I'm not a picky eater. There are not many foods that I won't eat or don't like. Although I do have a small list this post is dedicated to a food that really has no purpose. That is lettuce. It is gross! I do eat it in salads because I really only eat salads for the dressing. Lettuce is crunchy water. On a hot sandwich it's soggy, slimy, boogers...YUCK. A huge pet peeve of mine is when I order a hot sandwich and specifically say "NO LETTUCE PLEASE" and then I get a sandwich with lettuce. It is not that hard to not put it on my sandwich. It's one less step. In all actuality I'm doing that person a favor. All they have to do is keep the slimy useless lettuce the hell away from me.

As far as nutritional contain I'm pretty sure there are none or the ones that it does have are not important. At least with cabbage you get flavor a little spice to it. And you don't put cabbage squished between a hot piece of meat and a bun. However I guess now thinking about it I don't particularly like cabbage. I like it on fish tacos and that's pretty much it. You would think being an Irish girl I'd like it with corned beef. Nope it's a cousin of lettuce and has very little purpose to it's life.

Anyways there is my take on lettuce. :)

Random Facts About Yours Truely

I thought I would compile a list of random facts about myself to either bore you or creep you out about me. Here it goes...

1. I was born in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
2. I LOVE donuts and peanut butter.
3. Daisies are my favorite flower.
4. Yellow is my favorite color.
5. I'm a horrible person to shop for because I never really want anything.
6. I sleep with a blanket that I have had since I was little.
7. I had 2 surgeries before I was 6. 1)appendix 2)eyes, I had a lazy eye.
8. I can name pretty much any actor in a movie. A crazy talent that freaks out most.
9. I love impressionist, especially Van Gogh and Monet.
10. I always sleep in socks because I hate having cold feet.
11. I never leave the house without mascara on.
12. I rarely ever cry. I hate doing it.
13. I don't like to shop for clothes.
14. I'm scared to DEATH of the dentist.
15. I love Las Vegas!
16. I don't like doing yard work.
17. I can't sing.
18. I love to dance and I am not shy about doing it.
19. I hate it when Isaac has a scruffy face because it hurts to kiss him.
20. I'm not a natural blond...surprise surprise
21. I like looking at pictures but hate taking them.
22. I want to go to Ireland.
23. I'm proud of my husband.
24. I have great intentions but a horrible follow through.
25. I love my kids more then anything in the world and would give up of everything for them.

SO this is me <3

Riding the Bus with Kinders

On Friday I took my kindergartners on a field trip to see a barn exhibit. Now before I begin I think that you should think about when you are going on a trip with your children. You're riding in the car. You walk them around where ever it is you are going. Now think about every little inconvenience and uncomfortable situation and multiply it by 200 and you will get a typical kindergarten field trip.

Now lets begin our trip. It was supposed to rain on Friday and parents were panicking about their children melting. I fielded phone calls all week reassuring parents that from what the place had told me we would be in an enclosed place. I thought if this is all that I have to handle this wont be that bad...Why am I ALWAYS wrong in these situations??

Friday arrives and the kids are excited, the parent chaperons are excited, hell I'm even excited. I get my kids in my classroom and get all of our little things taken care of, attendance, name tags, lunches, all of the little things. As I am giving the parents their information I also tell the kids to go to the bathroom. I let one table go at a time. I get to the last table and one little girl says that she doesn't have to go. I tell her that's alright just try. She flat out refuses. I'm not her mom I'm not going to push the issue. We finish up parents have their groups I have mine and we walk out to meet the buses at the scheduled time. And there are no buses. I figure they are running a little late. Try 30 minutes late!At least they showed up. We all get on the buses and just before we take off on our hour long drive it happens. The little girl that didn't have to go potty NOW has to go potty and is dancing. Her peepee dance is contagious and 7 others now have to go as well. I tell the bus driver and run them to the potty. FINALLY we are on our way. About 15 minutes in the "Are we there yets?" begin. Then the "I wanna go home" starts. Thankfully I did not hear "I don't feel good!"

We arrive at the Barn in one piece and with NO accidents. I check us in and tell parents times to meet up for lunch and our departure time and send them on their way with their group. I grab my group and head out. As I'm walking around looking at the cows and chickens and other farm animals I notice that crazy lady that I talked to on the phone is a big liar. There were no coverings and dirt on the floor! If it had rained I would have been SCREWED!!! The kids would of melted. But it wasn't raining at that moment. I was so happy. I took my group around the exhibit and had a good time exploring. It was about lunch time and it starts to rain. Not just rain POUR. I get my group to a covered area and go to talk to the bus driver about us eating on the bus to avoid getting wet. That would of been a good idea if our bus driver didn't go joy riding with another bus driver friend and leave our bus LOCKED with the lunches inside! I was PISSED! Luckily I met the nicest guy. He is probably a bank robber but really nice. He got the bus compartment open that had our lunches in it. Don't ask how. So now I have the lunches and a bunch of hungry kinders in the pouring rain with pretty much no covering. One of my wonderful parents found a covered area while I was commandeering our lunches. AHHH a chance to sit and eat...nope. They all had to go potty. I had one dad go with me and sent all of my boys with him to the bathroom. When he came back he suggested that the next field trip I get more dad's to come. Apparently boys don't just go potty it's social time at the urinal.

While we were eating the rain stopped and we continued with our exploring. Now came the "Can I have that?" "I want that!!" and my favorite "MY mom said I could have it." really when did that happen. UGH!!! Finally it was time to leave. My class is all on the bus counted seated and about to pass out. The class that was with mine lost a group. SO we had to send out a search party and wait 30 minutes for the group to come back. We are NOW on our way...all of us. And we are in traffic and I'm sitting next to a parent that talks more then I want them to at this moment. But we made it back alive, exhausted, hungry, and again all having to go potty. And we were late so we came back to not happy parents but angry ready to beat me to a pulp parents. I was greeted with "Why were you late?" "Do you know I had plans?" "What were you thinking keeping my child this long?" Seriously parents I had no control over the traffic or the wayward group. So the happy parents that waved goodbye in the morning and blew kisses to the bus are going to hang the teacher for making the bus late. Because she wants to keep 28 kindergartners to herself. Oh the joys of my job. In the end this is just a typical aspect of my job. And just for the record I had fun on the field trip...minus the 20 trips to the bathroom.

Movie star LOVES

I have a confession to make regarding secret love affairs I would have if I could. There is an episode of "Friends" where they make a list of famous people they would sleep with if they could. Isaac and I have always joked about our lists. Although mine has changed a few times his is pretty much the same. He would sleep with Mariah Carey (even fat and pregnant with twins) in a heart beat and Rebecca Roman (I spelled that wrong). His taste is simple. My list has evolved over the years. My teen years I was obsessed with Dylan Mckay and sadly Jay Leno. Two extreme polar opposites. My love of Mr. Mckay went away once I hit college but the Leno love stayed. He made me laugh and really that's a big one for me. I once went with my now sister in law Shalyn to see Jay Leno's show taped. His guest were N'sync and Sally Field. Everyone was screaming for the boy band and batting their eye's at them. I was trying to get Jay Leno's attention. As time went on Leno started to aggravate me, especially with the whole Conan battle. I wish he had dealt with it better. Anyways my love faded for him. From then on I had crushes on a number of famous people. Here are some...

1. Chris O'Donnell (HELLO Irish boy would fit in with the family)
2. Jake Ryan (from 16 candles)
3. Jimmy Fallon
4. David Duchovny
5. Emile Hirsh
6. Shia LeBouf
7. Jason Taylor
8. Phillip Rivers
9. Johnny Depp

I know it's a very Wonder bread list I am having memory issues. But it also brings me to my present crush...Vince Vaughn. I know he is juvenile but he cracks me up. He delivers his lines with that dead pan mono tone that brings a smile to my face. I love watching him in interviews. One of my favorite scenes in a movie is in a stupid movie called "Couples Retreat". The movie is OK but there is one scene where Vince Vaughn's character is talking to Jon Favreau's character. He is telling him about being married and the simple line "Who ya gonna go to Applebees with?" makes me laugh and want Vince Vaughn. I think he's funny and that's all that matters...right? However much I LOVE my hubby if I had a shot at Vince Vaughns boxers I'd take it. Then I would come right back to Isaac because he's who I'd want to go to Applebees with. :)