Swim Lessons

I decided that my little kiddos need swim lessons. They both have no fear of water and have both just jumped in for the hell of it on numerous occassions. Jacob has no problem with his little floaties but, I need him to be able to swim without them. With Mia I would like her to be able to swim but, right now I'm just hoping for her to be able to get her butt to the side. That will at least get me time to get my fat butt in the water to get her.

So I registered my kiddos and got my sis in law Shalyn to sign up Gavin so the cousins could learn together. On Monday we went to the indoor swim lesson. They were all put in the frog's class. This is 4 students to 1 teacher. NO PARENTS Yay!!! I did not want to get my ass in that water or even worse in a bathsuit. We introduced the kids to their teacher and then he told us parents to go sit on the other side. We did as we were TOLD. He had the kids lined up and was taking them one at a time to show them strokes. Looked professional to me. He would get them to the wall and then he had the older ones use their hands to scoot to the stair. I thought OK this guy is smart enough to know that when it is Mia's turn he NEEDS to hold her...I was wrong. That MOTHER EFFer let her go and then turned around to get his next student. Mia looked at him and then just let go and sank!! I ran over screaming MIA. Then that dumbass turned around and went opps. REALLY OPPS!! If flames could have shot out of my eye's he would of been dead. I stood at the edge and watched him like a hawk. I thought I would be able to catch up with Shalyn and my brother about what was going on with my littleest nephew but I was afraid that moron would let the kids sink. The rest of the lesson did go well. Howver when we signedd them up for more lessons we put Mia and Gavin in the parents and kids class. Not a favorite option for me but I was not comfortable with the thought of Mia sinking...again.

Their next lesson we scheduled for a day that Isaac would be home so he could go in with Mia and I could watch Jacob with the teacher. Then that stinker hubby of mine got sick and I had to be the one to go in the pool. :( I dreaded it ALL day.

Grant went in with Gavin and I got in with Mia. Jacob went over to his teacher. At least his teacher was not the same guy as Monday. This time he had a girl and she seemed so patient and nice. I wish they had her on Monday instead of that guy. Isaac came and just watched. I hated being in my old lady to big for me bathing suit BUT I had fun swimming with Mia and Grant and Gavin. I look forward to the fact that next week I get to watch and Isaac gets to swim with her. Even sick his ass is going in that water. I am not putting that bathing suit back on. I am OK with going the rest of my life without putting a bathing suit on again. At least the kids had fun.

Hopefully by the end of the month I will be able to write about Jacob being an amazing swimmer and Mia being able to save herself from drowning. Fingers crossed :)

My Awesome day at the Weenie Roast

Yesterday Isaac and I went to the KROQ Weenie Roast. If you don't know what that is let me explain. KROQ is a radio station and this is a big concert they put on in the summer with a bunch of different bands. This years line up sparked my interest because there were a lot of bands that I REALLY like.


This was the line up for the day:




2:00 Young the Giant
2:30 Foster the People
3:00 Lykke Li
3:30 The Airborne Toxic Event
4:00 Neon Trees

These bands were playing on the smaller stage. Isaac and I sat in the grass under a tree and drank beer and listened to Foster the People and people watched. It was wonderful! It made me think people need mirrors and to know their true size in clothes. Also Spandex is NEVER ok to wear...NEVER!

After Foster the People we wondered around all of the booths. They were giving away all kinds of free stuff. We found the most amazing tent. It had about 20 hammocks, misters, and was shaded. Isaac and I swung in our hammock for 20 fantastic minutes. We were very refreshed and went around to see all of the other booths. We came across the interview stage that had Stryker (a DJ from KROQ) interviewing the bands. He was killing time before Face to Face came out by giving away tickets to other concerts. He would ask questions and basically he gave them to who he wanted to give them to. Isaac and I wanted to see the interview with Face to Face so we kinda pushed, shimmed and made our way to the front. As we were standing there Stryker asked one of his trivia questions for tickets to the Warped Tour. For some crazy reason I knew the answer and screamed it out while jumping up and down like a teeny bop. Ten other people answered as well. But they didn't have boobs and jump around like a fool. SO guess who got the tickets...ME. It was great! We walked around some more and then headed over to the main stage.

This was the line up for the main stage:

5:15 Face to Face
5:45 A Day to Remember
6:15 Cage the Elephant
6:50 Bad Religion
7:30 The Strokes
8:10 Rise Against
9:30 Linkin Park

Notice that all sets were 30 minutes except Rise Against...hmmm. I'll get to that in a minute.

Isaac and I get to our seats with our refreshing beverage. :) And screamed and jumped around and sang along to Face to Face. We had our own two person mosh pit going. We kinda freaked the teenage girl in the Strokes shirt next to us out. Oh well she'll be us one day. After Face to Face we realized we should probably eat since our liquid diet was affecting our sanity. Isaac got food while I waited in the mile long line for the bathroom. However while in line the drunk girl in front of me that poured beer down her back asked if I heard the rumor. I said "What rumor?" She said that the Foo Fighters were going to play as a surprise. I said "WHAT??" I love them!!!! After I went to my seat and blabbed the news to Isaac. The guy sitting behind us chimed in that he too had heard the rumor and he pointed out the time difference in the sets. I crossed my fingers and jumped around and sang some more to Bad Religion, The Strokes, and Rise Against. All the while telling Isaac again and again that 1. I LOVE Bad Religion and 2. I really really really want Foo Fighters to play. Low and behold after Rise Against playing for 25 minutes the stage went dark and a familiar tune began. IT WAS THE FOO FIGHTERS!!!! Everyone went BALLISTIC. It was AWESOME! They played for an hour and Dave Grohl is fucking AMAZING (that's right I said fucking he is that amazing) Then came Linkin Park. They are good but in all honesty they were crap compared to the Foo Fighters. They aren't a bad band but their energy was not the same. It's hard to explain you had to be there. :)

After the concert Isaac and I drove thru Carl's to get a burger because we jumped around so much we needed food. I had the best time!!

The TRUE story of the Irish Accent :)

This is a story that my family and friends LOVE to tell about me. I figure the true version should be out there that way when I die peeps will know what a moron I really am.

To begin... A long time ago in a place that marriage and children didn't exist lived a 19 year old girl.

In a time when going to Mexico didn't mean being decapitated it meant partying and under age drinking with Marines.

Anyways here goes my confession...On one particular trip to Mexico I acquired an Irish accent (that really sounded more like a Russian mail order brides). I had gone down with some friends to have a good time. I had a bit to drink and was extremely happy and in a very antagonistic mood. SO when the young Marine came up to me and started talking I answered him in this crazy accent that I just randomly came up with. I figured he would laugh and get the hint that I was not interested. He thought I was serious and followed me around ALL night like a puppy. Asking all kinds of questions about Ireland. I just started answer him with whatever crap I had in my head that I knew about Ireland. Which turned out to be quite a lot of information. Who would have thought I would know so much about Ireland? Then he followed me home. To my PARENTS. (He really was a nice guy I'm just EVIL) I was still using the stupid accent. Even when I introduced him to my parents...sober. He only questioned me once about why they didn't have an accent and I did. I said why do you think they don't have an accent? He said, "Is she your aunt because you don't really look a like?" I just said "SURE". BIG BIG LIES!!! This guy went on to meet my friends. And this charade went on for I'm almost embarrassed to say...a MONTH. I had to make him stop calling and coming to visit so I told him that I was going back to my native land...IRELAND.

Funny thing happened in October...
I was back in Mexico celebrating Halloween and who do I run into...the Marine. He was SUPER excited to see me and then asked why I was there. I responded with "UMMMMMM UMMMMM UMMMM" I couldn't remember how to make that accent and again I had a bit to drink. SO I walked away. I am positive his friends told him that I was a moron and playing a not nice game on him. I never heard from him again.

As you can see I am not a very nice or smart person. However I do know how to have fun. And my family and friends have a good time telling this story of the poor Marine that I tricked.

Just thought I would share this story. It really was funny...maybe only to me and my sick sense of humor. :)

End of the School Year

My last day with my class was Friday and I have never been so happy to see a class move on. I normally get a little misty eyed and start to think about teaching them summer school just so that I can work with them a little longer. This did not happen with this years class. I spent this year getting punched, kicked, almost bit, stared down, yelled at, called ridiculous names, sneezed on, used as a tissue, puked on, and bled on. About 90% of these things came from one particular student. Little Z is not going to be missed at all.

We had our end of the year extravaganza which was a huge success and a lot of fun...and stress. I love the chaos of this day for some weird reason. It is 3 hours of not stop adrenaline. I am getting my class ready for their program and their awards. Then at the picnic I am schmoozing the parents. It is NON STOP! I enjoy talking to most of the parents about their kiddo. Even though I am EXTREMELY happy that I am not thier parent. I like to see what their parents are like and what they think of their kiddo. They are usually very proud of their little one and think that they made a lot of progress from the beginning of the year. Which is true with all kinders. Even the lows that are not at grade level have made some progress.

Then there is little Z's mom. I hand out their promotion certificates one at a time. I call them up everyone claps and cheers. I turn them towards their parent and snap snap pictures are taken. I do it this way because I have learned from years past that kindergarten teachers are kind of like Disney Princesses (well in my head I like to think of myself as one for a day). Parents want that picture of the crazy teacher. Well most of them. So when it was time for little Z to come up I turned him toward his mom and she said "I don't want a picture!" I thought oops my bad. I figured maybe she didn't want me in it. Which is fine, her and I have had a "different" correspondence this year. However as the morning goes on I notice my kids have gone home with their parents after the picnic. All except little Z. He is alone. I ask him where his mom is. He says, "She left cause she said she was bored." In my head I'm screaming "WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN!!!!" But I filter my words and tell him well maybe she had work to do and will be right back. He knew I was stretching the truth. I take him to the office and call his family only to find out that the BABYSITTER is picking him up. I now see why Z is the way he is. If mom would have returned one of my 9000 calls I made this year I probably would have figured it out sooner.

So as tragic as little z's promotion was honestly I am still SUPER relived to be DONE with this group of kinders. I'm sorta looking forward to a fresh start with a new batch. Sorta...I need this vacation to regroup and get my patience back. I also need my grown up Vegas vacation that is happening in 4 weeks. OH how I NEED this vacation.

A finger painting moment...

A day of painting with my class could have been lovely...if one particular student had stayed HOME. It is the last week of classes and I feel as though I have been a tyrant this whole year. My poor class needs to let loose and be creative and paint. For the love of GOD painting should be in the kindergarten California standards. My class LOVED it! They could have painted all day if I let them. I gave them only the three primary colors and showed them how to make others. They each got a paper plate and a blob of RED, YELLOW, and BLUE. I then had them mix the colors with their fingers to create ORANGE, GREEN, and PURPLE. They were amazed at how the new colors just appeared. It was awesome to see the WOW on their faces and the paint on their hands.

Now back to little Z. He has been a serious cause of my gray hair this year. He fights me on EVERYTHING. Which is fine I like a challenge every once in a while. He also does the complete opposite of what I tell him. So why did I not see this particular event coming...I don't know.

As the kids finished their painting I sent them to the bathroom to wash their hands. I gave them specific instructions on how to get to the bathroom without getting paint everywhere. I told them to use their little butts to push the door open and to NOT TOUCH anything on their way. Everyone except little Z followed directions. He first painted his table, then he pushed the door with his grubby hands. When he came back I said "Did you keep your hands to yourself?" This was his answer "why?" Really why!!! So I look out my door and he touched EVERYTHING! The ground, the walls, the outside of my door, he even touched the roses that were white. I asked him, "Why did you do this?" He said "Why not". I couldn't really think of an answer to that. I mean I know that it's a simple answer but for him you really have to go above and beyond with your answers or he just stares. I think that when he said "why not" I had a small aneurysms.

Only a few more days with him and then he is another teachers headache. Sorry first grade teacher that gets him.

I have never wanted a week to go faster in my life!

Jay Walking Mo Fo's

This is a ridiculous rant I know. However I am up to my eyeballs with stupid jay walkers. I hate driving down a busy street and have some stupid jack ass stroll across the street. The aren't walking or running (which those dumb asses should be doing) they are strolling at a snail pass. In the areas that I drive they are usually between the ages of 11 and 17. I know they think that they look cool or tough walking against the big cars. OH how dare devilish of them. But seriously they look STUPID!!! Not just stupid but fat, lazy, and stupid. When the cross walk or stop light is 10 feet away and you can't be bothered to walk to it. You look like a FAT LAZY MORON! No wonder we have so many freaking chunky kids. (that was a low blow but I'm seriously annoyed).

I hate the fact that in my head I'm thinking how hard would it be to just bump them. Maybe cause a bruise. Just get close enough to roll over a pinkie toe and make them CRY. I shouldn't be thinking that but, I hate them. I have had a 13 year old take off their shoe in the middle of the street and hit my car with it. Because they think I got to close to them. REALLY...If their dumb ass wasn't in the middle of the street I wouldn't have gotten close. The sidewalk is their for a reason use it. I will still think you are a bad ass little 7th grader if you would just use the SIDEWALK.

I know that after reading this I might seem to have anger issues...and I do. But I use the sidewalk and walk my fat ass to the crosswalk so that I can bring you my ridiculous rant on jay walking.

My visit to a grown up salon courtesy of Isaac :)

I completely acknowledge the fact the I am a horrible person to buy for and surprise. I have a need to control and know everything going on in my house and classroom. My extremely sweet, generous, and romantic husband always wants to make these grand gestures and unfortunately I question it to death and destroy the SURPRISE. He has been able to completely surprise me once. That was when he proposed. One day I will share that story. Today is about his mothers day gift to me.

I have been looking very Rapunzelesque lately. To the point that when I picked up Mia from school one of the little girls in her class told me I look like "Tangled"...(Rapunzel). I came home and told Isaac I need to change this. I always talk about chopping all of my hair off and starting fresh. However Isaac and I have done that in the past and I look horrible with super short hair. Although it could have been the fact that it was Isaac that cut my hair with trauma sheers in out tiny 98 degree apartment. That could have been the reason for the bad hair cut. Anyways it has been a LONG time since my hair was cut by a professional. So for mother's day Isaac arranged for me to go to the Aveda Spa at the mall by us. He asked my friend where she had just gotten her hair cut and that is where she directed him.

The week before mothers day I knew he was trying to plan a surprise. And in typical me fashion I questioned him until he cracked. I know I'm a horrible wife. I got all of the details and at first was really excited to get my hair cut. Then the anxiety kicked in. I normally go to CHEAP salons and get yelled at for coloring my own hair and making it look like straw. Can you see why I don't get my hair cut often. Now I was going to a NICE salon and was trying to talk Isaac out of the gift because I did not want a snotty opinion about my straw hair and what I was doing wrong with it.

On Saturday morning I headed over to the mall for my special mother's day treat. My stomach was turning. But I put on my big girls panties and went in. I sat in the chair and waited to hear all the complaints about my straw. To my surprise the stylist was awesome. She was kissing my ass like no bodies business. I loved every minute of my haircut. She messaged my shoulders and my head. She cut about 4 inches off and then curled it. I felt awesome. I was looking trendy for probably the first time ever with my hair.

When I got home Isaac was vacuuming the living room and he and the kids made me cards. I LOVED my mothers day treats and Isaac was very successful in surprising me. I would have never guessed that he was going to vacuum for me. AWWW true love <3